“Did you cry?” – Barbara Walters, March 6, 1967
“No, I thought I was going to. But then I was so happy, I didn’t feel like crying at all.” – Judy Garland, now now now
KANSAS AND OTHER MIDDLES, Dec. 24 — The FDA has approved a new drug for use in the treatment of Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Anxiety: The Judy Garland “Get Happy” Meal.
3 Lemon drops
HOW IT WORKS
You will still have these conditions, but they will be spelled with lowercase letters and alphabetized. A librarian will file them away, and you will leave the big, quiet building and hear noise other than your own again.
But when you come back — and you will come back, maybe in two years, perhaps five — your seat will still be open. You will hear the click of heels on a cold tile, and you will say to yourself, “I’ve gotten out of here before. Which way did I walk?”
Side effects may include intense dreaming. In the first dream, the story happens in reverse: You have the color and the dog, the shoes and the heart, the brains and the way home. It’s a happy occasion, this all suggests. And then, out in the fields, over the laughing heads that have the right number of receptor sites, there is black and white wind picking up steam, and picking up houses and buses and every ugly day. You have time to warn everyone, but you don’t, because it doesn’t matter.
It’s only coming for you.
In the last dream, it’s Christmas morning, and it’s the strangest thing: everyone is congratulating you. You walk through the streets and children say, “It’s you!” You have an overflowing mailbox with letters — handwritten letters! — from strangers thanking you for inventing this holiday. One person writes, “I almost forgot to send a card this year, but I guess feeling good is a kind of forgetfulness.”
When you wake up, you talk to your doctor about weaning off the meal. You say, “I’m ready. I’m full.” He says, “But full is the idea.”
“Ms. Garland, have you any formula when you do get depressed, as performers do? What do you do to pull yourself up again and get that marvelous gift that you have?” – Press Junket, 1960s
I love my career…
“How does it feel to have lived these years being a legend?” – Jack Paar, 1962
…and I want to say this because I’m always being painted a more tragic figure than I am.…
“What’s been the high spot in your life?” – Johnny Carson, June 24, 1968
…and I get awfully bored with myself as a tragic figure.
“It’s a good day for you then?” – Clive Hirschhorn, March 15, 1969
With all the troubles…
“Haven’t you had any fun in your life?” – Hans Vangkilde, March 26, 1969
…the rewards are still so great.